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OCTOBER


170
10.18.00
I'm starting yet another diet.But this time is serious.I went to the doctor yesterday with my husband to get a checkup because I'm trying to get pregnant.Bad news.I have high blood pressure.My father had high blood pressure.His side of the family had heart problems. The doctor said to avoid salt,start exercising and get my weight down.I couldn't believe that I weighed 170!I thought I was at the most 165..I know,5 pound difference but it's 5 pounds more than I thought!I haven't exercised in 2 months.I've been depressed for a while,but I'm trying to snap out of it.So I'm cutting down on sugar,salt and fat.And I have to start exercising.First thing tomorrow morning that's what I'll do and start making it a habit again.I know I can do it!
10.19.00
Good start today.Got up,did 30 minutes of exercise.For breakfast I had oatmeal w/bananna and coffee.For a snack I had a handful of pretzel sticks(no salt).And of course lots of water.For lunch I'm having salad with baked chicken.Have to work tonight so hopefully that will hold me until I get home.I don't want to eat a full meal for dinner because I get home around 10:30 p.m. I'll just have a snack like wheat thin crackers w/low fat cheese or a piece of fruit and a glass of fat free milk.I have to make that a habit because I used to come home starving from work and overeat. I was reading some diet journals online and I'm so impressed.They really are inspiring! My goal is to lose 40 pounds,but some people have lost 100 and more pounds!If they could lose that much,certainly I can lose 40 pounds! I'm thinking maybe I'll exercise 30 minutes when I get home from work. Or maybe that's too much right now.I truly do not have the energy I used to have.Once the pounds start coming off I know I'll get my energy back.
10.21.00
I was home the whole day today,like a bum. I did my exercise first thing this morning. But I was in front of this computer the rest of the day. For breakfast I had 3 egg whites w/ 2 chicken franks,lunch was turkey sandwhich on wheat bread,snack was an appple,dinner was chicken and rice. Maybe I had too much rice. No good. I'm so down. My husband is working double shifts today at the restaurant. Today is the Subway Series game,Yankees and Mets. Living here in New York,it's a big deal.I,myself am not interested. Sorry,to all you baseball fans. But my husband is.I'm practically invisible when there's a game on t.v.! There's so much going on right now in my life,I'm so stressed and depressed. First,I'm desperate to have a baby.Hopefully I'll have good news soon. Second,I might get this job at the bank and I'm very nervous about that.Third,the doctor says I have high blood pressure.Fourth,trying to lose this weight. I know I shouldn't stress myself out but I can't help it. I need to learn yoga. Need to relax and just meditate.
10.23.00
I haven't weighed myself yet. I don't want to until I feel like I've really lost something. Plus I have to buy a new scale. I'm feeling a whole lot better, physically. Breakfast today was oatmeal and coffee. I just ate half a bbq chicken and salad of lettuce and tomatoes. I shouldn't be starving when I get home from work tonight. I'll probably just eat an apple. Also I've been drinking lots of water.
I just had a big argument with my husband. It wasn't important. But I know we're frustrated with each other because of this tiny place we're living in right now. I keep pressuring him to move, but for some reason he's not trying. We're making plans to move to Florida by next summer, but in the mean time I want to move out of this studio. It's too small for two people. I'm going crazy!!!
10.27.00
God I can't wait to leave this shitty job that I'm in right now. It really sucks. Well,I have that bank job interview on Wednesday,we'll see how that goes.
I got my monthly visitor yesterday. Not pregnant :-( Will keep on trying. Every time I see a baby I get all dreamy eyed and start fantasising about when I'll have my own.
I'm trying low carbing again. But I have to get my butt moving with exercise. I've been sooo lazy,I know I won't lose anything if I don't start soon!!! I need some motivation. I've been reading people's journals again. That helps some. Especially when you look at the before and after pics. I can't wait to have those up here soon.
10.28.00
Another depressing Saturday. My husband is working weekends now and that's when I have off. When he comes home he's usually hyper and he'll want to go to a club or a bar with me. Everyone is out partying and having fun Saturday night. But I'm so depressed about my weight that I can't really enjoy myself. I'll be so self conscious. So I tell my husband no, I'm tired or it's too late to go out...any excuse. He must be so bored to death with me. We used to go out often.
Well, anyway I did good today on my low carbing and I exercised first thing this morning.I just have to keep it up. I think writing down on this journal is helping me keep focused. Slowly but surely.
When will I have a baby??

November Journal