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2.3.01 Still depressed. I'm convinced that it will remain this way until something changes. Hubby says he looked at a condo yesterday. He said it was a 2 bedroom and it was pretty nice. Expensive though. I still just want to move to Florida and buy a nice little house. It's what I always wanted. But he thinks we should buy a condo here, then we can rent out the condo and if we don't like Florida we have a place we can come back to. I guess he's right. But why woudn't we like Florida? Everybody says it's too hot. But I think it's better than here. I want to see palm trees and beaches and sunny days. I don't know. I've always been a dreamer. Tomorrow I'll be going to my mother's house to celebrate my cutie neices' birthday. I'm eager to see my family but so ashamed of how I look. I'm overweight and depressed. I'm also bloated like always. I think my period is coming. That's another thing. My sisters will ask me if I'm pregnant yet and when I say no they'll look at me with pity and think something is wrong with me. Or they'll say to have hubby check his sperm maybe it's him. Whatever. Hubby doesn't want to go. I don't blame him. The last few times we went over there it wasn't so great with my disfunctional family. But what can I do? I love my little neice I have to go. Didn't exercise, just danced a little. Didn't eat veggies and fruits. What the hell is wrong with me????? 2.8.01 Let's see, what's new? Oh yeah, had another big fight with him. It was on Monday. I left to Atlantic City by myself, in a snow storm!! I'm crazy, but I didn't want to stay at home with him. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I made it just in time too. My bus was probably the last one going out because of the storm. And I'm not that bright, I sat in the front seat. It was scary! The driver was a brave woman. And I sat there watching the snow come down, tears coming down my face wondering what I should do. Anyway I came back the next day(I didn't win anything). To make a long story short, he apologised(again)and explained to me that he's stressed out and this tiny apartment makes it worse. Well I know that already I've only been telling him this for the past year! I've decided to start walking. Walking from my house to work is not enough so I have to do more walking. I'll be leaving the house 30-40 min. earlier and just walk with my walkman around the area before going to work. So I'm starting today and hopefully make it a habit at least 5 times a week. Hopefully this will work! I desperately need to do something good for myself. I haven't been taking care of myself. 2.14.01 Hubby and I celebrated Valentine's yesterday because we both had to work today. We went to our favorite mexican restaurant, "Tequila Sunrise". We had yummy margarita's and a big mexican meal. Then we took a nice long walk afterwards. It was nice. He gave me this red and black(with hearts)nightie. Next day he gave me a rose and chocolate. I gave him the same thing! I love you baby! 2.21.01 Haven't written in a while cuz nothing good to write about. But today there is! I did really well today. I had a slim fast shake for breakfast, had a banana mid morning, water, came home from work and I made a bowl of chef's salad and I actually enjoyed it! Usually I have to force myself to eat a salad but this time I made it yummy with hard boiled eggs, spring mix, shredded cheese, turkey slices,(instead of ham) oil & vinegar. I loved it and I will try to eat it often. Now if I can only get my lazy ass to exercise I'll be set. Spring is almost around the corner and I want to look good dammit! 2.23.01 I had a slimfast shake for breakfast. Now I'm feeling nauseus. Don't know why. Could it be? Pregnant? I doubt it because because I have so much water in my breast that I always get before my period. And this happened to me one time before. Well I hope I feel better by lunch time. I'll be having a tuna salad. Then I have to go to work. Yuk. |